Banging, screwing, nailing? We must be in a construction zone.

I don’t know about you ladies (and fellas) out there but personally, I do not want to be nailed, screwed, banged, railed, hit, or slapped. Simple right? Well, not really. These are just some commonly used euphemisms that men and women alike use to refer to having sex. How many times have we heard of some saying “yea, I __(insert one of the above words here)__ that last night”? While at the awesome presentation on Sexual Violence made by Becca and Kelly at Sexversations last Thursday, this notion was really made apparent to me through their talk about words and tones we use to refer to social situations. Before we continue, I would like to make a note that I am specifically referring to heterosexual relationships and straight female sexuality in this blog.

With that said, the sheer violence alone that is seeping from each individual word is in itself astonishing. Sex is supposed to be a positive experience for both parties involved…not one that involves one partner being treated like a building construction material. The harshness that these words imply can and will negatively contribute to our society’s collective awareness of what sex should be. By using a word such as “banged,” elements of forcefulness, pain, and fear are present. This also implies that there is someone doing the banging and there is someone being banged. In other words, one person is inflicting the force, pain, or fear and the other has to receive it.

This is not in any way empowering to female sexuality. The language automatically and implicitly places the partner not as an equal, but in a subordinate sexual role. Furthermore, in this situation we are presented with a power dynamic. One can infer who has the power or is in control of the act and who has little to no power and control. Women shouldn’t have to be screwed or railed in order to participate and enjoy sex.

I wonder how society can be impacted if we were to simply change the way we spoke about sex; if the words became less of a violent nature and more to that of an inclusive and positive event. After all, the languages of a people help dictate their attitudes. Perhaps we should start to think of alternatives to the way we casually talk about sex amongst friends and partners. Understanding how our words immensely affect our attitudes and actions will further help us see where the issues lie and allow us begin effectively and appropriately fixing them.